Wave the Flag

I'm gettin too old for this

2010-03-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

So we went on an Air Assault mission. We went to an "area", to cordon off the area while another ongoing mission would try to flush out the Taliban and push them into the "area". Historically they liked to come to this "area" when things go sour for 'em.

Um ya.

This time?

This time we pretty much just became the bait. It was supposed to be a 2+ day mission. Those who get paid more than I do cut it short.

Why?

Because all we were was fucking fish in a goddamn barrel.

We took indirect fire 3 times, and on the 3rd and final time we had to MEDEVAC our wounded soldiers. We couldn't go anywhere, because our mission was to hold the area.

This isn't exactly the Ardennes Forest. This isn't Bastogne.

And it was so predicatable too. The enemy didn't fire on us until our birds left to refuel. It was like clockwork. Our overhead protectors leave, and boom boom boom...Incoming.

Thank god the injured wasn't life changing. Just shrapnel and concussions. I helped put the injured on the MEDEVAC blackhawk. I had so much anger and frustration in me I could've cried. But I couldn't show weakness. Not in front of my guys. It's absolutely strange, but they look up to me and go off how I am, so I have to be strong, whether I'm scared or sad or angry. I have to keep calm so that they know that things will be alright.

My son is a little over 7 months old now. He looks amazing, and I miss him so much. But what I do is that 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day I forget he exists. It's too much of a distraction. It's when I can relax, be on my own, that I think about it.

and it hurts that I can't be there with him, for him.

He's crawling now :)

but I'm not there...

This is the only was I can deal with this...

Oh, ya.

The weather's getting warmer.

The indirect fire is getting more accurate.

Good times ahead indeed

7 more months till R&R

2010-03-01T11:05:00.001-08:00

Whenever we're on patrol the only thing on my mind, like a broken record that keeps skipping and repeating itself:

Is this it?

how about now?

Is this where I'm going to step and set off the IED?

It's not like a debilitating thought or anything. It's more of a matter of fact kind of thing.

Being in the front and stepping in fresh soil is unnerving, but there's only so much one can do.

95% of the patrol my head is looking to where I'm going to step next. Sometimes I just pucker up and step over what may just be my last step, or it may just be a random indentation in the field.

It's just one of those things one has to deal with.

The prospect of life itself is so trivial sometimes.

I've already told my squad that if It was my time, then they are instructed to burn everything I have here.

My Laptop.

My Camera.

All my ACU's

Everything.

I don't know why, but I just feel like it's the right thing to do.

We were QRF for another platoon a few days ago, and alas we were called out. So we went and I got to do some shooting. I leveled a building/store with my .50 Cal BMG. I was in the turret for this one because we were running a bit shorthanded.

There were to Taliban fighters all Alamo'd up in the shop, so we leveled the place, but somehow they managed to squirt out, but our friendly rotary winged friends cut short their escape.

One of em had balls of steel. Here we are laying 2 50. cal's at them and one of em still had the balls to spray some AK rounds out of the hole that we blasted in the front wall of the shop.

It took almost 7 years, but this is the deployment I joined up for.

My life is hard and unforgiving, but I'm happy.

Disturbing news

2010-03-01T11:04:00.001-08:00

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones(hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period..

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!!

Rocket man

2010-02-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

Incoming rockets sometimes sound like A-10 flying low...I learned that the hard way yesterday.

My chain of thoughts...

"Sound of loud noise...sounds like a plane."

"Sounds like an A-10 flying low and towards me."

"Why is an A-10 flying towards me?"

"Aww..fuck my life..that's not an A-10"

BOOOOOM!!!

Now I'm running to a bunker.....

"That was fucking close"

"Stupid A-10 sounding rocket"

Ended up landing about 150-200 meters to where I was.

Good times

My life

2010-02-23T15:53:00.001-08:00

is filled with rage right now.

In the pit of my stomach.

The mother of my child is batshit insane who tries to use my son as a weapon against me.

Dishnetwork is a money hungry law breaking enterprise.

....maybe the Taliban aren't so bad after all? They won't try to steal my money, NOR will the use my 7 month old son against me.

All the want to do is kill me.

Ring my bell. Ring my bell. My bell.

2010-02-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

So at least 2 of our guys almost died today. We were finishing up a dismounted patrol, heading outta the village when an IED blew up. One got knocked the hell out by the force of the blast, one caught some shrapnel to his face, and one was a little dizzy from the concussion. I was maybe thirty five meters behind the blast, I was squad leader of our second section fire team.

It was definitely a command wire detonation, the trigger man wait for the ANA to pass, and then detonated the IED when soldiers were around it. One guy was 2 ft from the blast, and two were in front of it, and two were behind it.

One enemy on a bike at the intersection maybe 70 meters in front of the blast fire a couple of rounds and then booked it, we fired at him, but he had decent cover on his exile, we think he was the decoy, to give the real trigger man time to get away.

One of my joes saw what we think was the real trigger man, running back towards the town we just left.

These fucking people….

We really are in the shithole of the province. I can't see any possible way to convince these people to become pro-government.

We MEDEVAC'd the three guys showing symptoms of TBI.

They were lucky. No doubt about it.

If the bomb was just a little bit bigger, or a buried a little more shallow. The injuries would've been a lot worse.

It was a HME IED. Homemade Explosive. I remember the acronym ANAL. Ammonium Nitrate and some kind of Aluminum mix. It was maybe a 3-5 pounder. Hahaha...Anal

All I know what when that bomb when off and I saw that dust cloud, I thought immediately that someone is either dead or dying.

Thank god I was wrong.

That cloud engulfed all of 1st section and I thought the worst, and when 1st section squad leader got on the radio; he was walking point, called for a medic, I thought my fears were confirmed. I yelled back as loud as I could

MEDIC!

It was eerie, because I've seen it plenty of times in all those hollywood war movies, where someone yells for a medic, but I never thought I'd have to do the same…

I hope I never have to do it again, because next time…

next time I don't think we'll be as lucky.

Winning the hearts and minds of these people is doing nothing but make us more vulnerable. There are so many stupid fucking rules that we have to follow as required by ISAF.

This is definitely NOT Iraq.

In Iraq, if a person is bad, an he's in that house. we TAKE that house.

Over here?

We have to knock and ask if we can come in.

And that's only the tip of the iceberg.

We're being sacrificed. Plain and simple. We're being sacrificed in the short term (1-2 years) so that hopefully it pays off in the long term (2- ?? years)

I'm just glad my guys are ok. Even if I think they're shitbags, lol.

….On a good note. EOD here is fucking kickass. It doesn't take 9 millions hours for them to show up, unlike Iraq, where you wait for 10 hours, and then wait some more.

Over here, when you want em, you get em. And the one's I've encountered a complete professionals, unlike some of the lazy fobbit douchebags I've met in Iraq.

I almost blew 2 local teachers away too. It was funny after the fact.

Pretty much they came towards us on a red motorcycle (the decoy was on a red motorcycle, he dropped it and ran, the bike was gone when we came back after MEDEVAC'ing the 3) and my SAW gunner yelled

WADAREGA!! (Stop)

but they didn't stop

WADAREGA!!

still nothing.

50 meters away…

So I pop up on one knee, point my weapon on them, put the selector switch to semi and yell

WADAREGA YADI WILLUM (Stop or I will shoot)

They stopped on a dime.

I called the terp over…and pretty much I felt like a dick.

What happened was that the motorcycle driver heard the initial yells for STOP, but he had a helmet on so it was a bit muffled, and also he didn't see/hear where it was coming from, because my SAW gunner was cover/concealed pretty decent.

So pretty much he had the shit scared out of him when he saw me pop up and yell that I was pretty much gonna blow his head off.

So I told the tap to tell him I'm sorry (I really was…I felt bad) and talked a little bit, and sent him back (we had the area cordoned off for a 2nd possible IED)

Oh, and leading the way back to the IED site after the MEDEVAC sucked. It's normally the ANA in front, leading the way, because we want every mission to have an AFghan face on it (But we're happy mainly because they'll be the ones to step on the trip wire/pressure plates).

But on the way back, I was leading it, not ANA. It was Myself and the Terp, THEN ANA, THEN the rest of my platoon. When we started walking I pray to god in English, Arabic, and say a little "hey buddha..please watch over me" and said fuck it and started walking.

Talk about puckered buttonhole.

The funny thing about all of this?!?!

This is just another typical day.

Yay.

Is it September yet? Is it time for my R&R ?

ha...

Do you really want to hurt me?

2010-02-17T11:51:00.000-08:00

Do you really want to MAKE ME CRYYYY.

I wear my sunglasses at night
so I can
so I can

I'm on an 80's bender.

So tonight I wasn't subjected to taking indirect fire while nekked and showering. This time I was on the awesome end of a 50. cal BMG sending life changers downrange. I told you that they weren't gonna get away with stealing my sleep away.

I definitely reached out and touched someone tonight, and good lord it felt good.

The point of impact on all this enemy indirect fire is an amazing site to see though, I'll give em that. Hollywood can never recreate it, no matter how advanced their special effects get...

...They did get a bit closer tonight though, this time within a couple of hundred meters of my position.

It's all good though. I have faith in the world :)

Good times, good times.

Mortars, Mortars, Mortar....

2010-02-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

And always seems to be at the most inconvenient times. Twice they fired indirect 30 minutes before my wake-up. And tonight when I was buck naked in the shower. So here I am nekked like the day I came into the world, contemplating whether or not to just wrap a towel around me and run back 150 meters to my gear, or take time and put on my clothes while we're catching indirect fire.

I chose the latter.

It was cold outside.

Plus, the towel was tiny.

These Taliban fuckers keep testing us. I swear they're just finding out our TTP's. I just know it.

No one steals sleep time from me and gets away with it.

Third times the charm. This time to Afghanistan

2010-02-09T00:18:00.000-08:00

So after days and days of military base jumping and waiting and flight delays, I'm finally in my AO with 1 more rotary flight to go till I'm finally at MY base.

After talking to the guys in my platoon who are already there, they've been taking indirect fire daily, but thankfully it's not accurate.

I've got a day or so to go till I get there, and good god I can't wait. I'm so sick and tired of sitting in "limbo".

There's something that's funny to me in a "aw crap" way. Any time someone who's been here in A-town (Afghanistan) overhears our conversation about where we're going the conversation usually goes like so:

Joe 1. = You guys are going to ***** ?
Me = yup
Joe 1. = (Laughs) Have fun.

Good times ahead...

U.S. Officers Executed Iraqis, Statements Say

2008-08-26T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is an article written in the NY Times by PAUL VON ZIELBAUER.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/27/world/middleeast/27abuse.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&oref=slogin

And for the record. I completely agree and support the executions of those 4 detainees.

It's unfortunate the three men were put in that position.

In March or April 2007, three noncommissioned United States Army officers, including a first sergeant, a platoon sergeant and a senior medic, killed four Iraqi prisoners with pistol shots to the head as the men stood handcuffed and blindfolded beside a Baghdad canal, two of the soldiers said in sworn statements.

After the killings, the first sergeant — the senior noncommissioned officer of his Army company — told the other two to remove the men’s bloody blindfolds and plastic handcuffs, according to the statements made to Army investigators, which were obtained by The New York Times.

The statements and other court documents were provided by a person close to one of the soldiers in the unit who insisted on anonymity and who has an interest in the outcome of the legal proceedings.

After removing the blindfolds and handcuffs, the three soldiers shoved the four bodies into the canal, rejoined other members of their unit waiting in nearby vehicles and drove back to their combat outpost in southwest Baghdad, the statements said.

The soldiers, all from Company D, First Battalion, Second Infantry, 172nd Infantry Brigade, have not been charged with a crime. However, lawyers representing other members of the platoon who said they witnessed or heard the shootings, which were said to have occurred on a combat patrol west of Baghdad, said all three would probably be charged with murder.

The accounts of and confessions to the killings, by Sgt. First Class Joseph P. Mayo, the platoon sergeant, and Sgt. Michael P. Leahy Jr., Company D’s senior medic and an acting squad leader, were made in January in signed statements to Army investigators in Schweinfurt, Germany.

In their statements, Sergeants Mayo and Leahy each described killing at least one of the Iraqi detainees on instructions from First Sgt. John E. Hatley, who the soldiers said killed two of the detainees with pistol shots to the back of their heads. Sergeant Hatley’s civilian lawyer in Germany, David Court, did not respond to phone calls and e-mail messages Tuesday.

Last month, four other soldiers from Sergeant Hatley’s unit were charged with murder conspiracy for agreeing to go along with the plan to kill the four prisoners, in violation of military laws that forbid harming enemy combatants once they are disarmed and in custody.

In an Army evidentiary hearing on Tuesday in Vilseck, Germany, two of those soldiers — Specialists Steven A. Ribordy and Belmor G. Ramos — invoked their right against self-incrimination. Reached by telephone, James D. Culp, a civilian lawyer for one of the other two soldiers charged, Staff Sgt. Jess C. Cunningham, declined to comment. A lawyer for the fourth soldier, Sgt. Charles P. Quigley, could not be reached.

In their sworn statements, Sergeants Mayo and Leahy described the events that preceded the shooting of the Iraqi men, who apparently were Shiite fighters linked to the Mahdi Army militia, which controlled the West Rashid area of southwest Baghdad.

After taking small-arms fire, the patrol chased some men into a building, arresting them and finding several automatic weapons, grenades and a sniper rifle, they said. On the way to their combat outpost, Sergeant Hatley’s convoy was informed by Army superiors that the evidence to detain the Iraqis was insufficient, Sergeant Leahy said in his statement. The unit was told to release the men, according to the statement.

“First Sergeant Hatley then made the call to take the detainees to a canal and kill them,” Sergeant Leahy said, as retribution for the deaths of two soldiers from the unit: Staff Sgt. Karl O. Soto-Pinedo, who died from a sniper’s bullet, and Specialist Marieo Guerrero, killed by a roadside bomb.

“So the patrol went to the canal, and First Sergeant, Sgt. First Class Mayo and I took the detainees out of the back of the Bradley, lined them up and shot them,” Sergeant Leahy said, referring to a Bradley fighting vehicle. “We then pushed the bodies into the canal and left.”

Sergeant Mayo, in his statement, attributed his decision to kill the men to “anger,” apparently at the recent deaths of his two comrades.

Sergeant Leahy, in his statement, said, “I’m ashamed of what I’ve done,” later adding: “When I did it, I thought I was doing it for my family. Now I realize that I’m hurting my family more now than if I wouldn’t have done it.”

Good ole Religion

2008-08-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

My mother's Buddhist and my Pop's a Jew, I was raised Buddhist but had a yarmulke as a kid. I don't know what the hell I am, and I'm quite content with that.

I tend to not believe in any of Man's version of God. I know there's something there, something we can't grasp, but not the daily sermons that's being shoved down our throats wherever we look.

I personally follow a loose path of maintaining good karma, and so far so good.

But the majority of mass-Joel Olsteen-type Christians back in the states? Sheer Hypocrisy. Ultimate form of do as I say but not as I do.

Well if everyone is saying but no one's doing, what will be the end result of the religion at the end game?

If the god people speak of allows a kid no older than 3 get his jaw blown off where his tongue is just loosely hanging out, and his left arm shot up to the point where its only the skin keeping his forearm attached....

Almost tempted to say that that's no deity that I wish to follow

Now don't go labeling me as an atheistic Christianity hating guy.

I always like chatting it up with my more religious guys here, and I like to ask the question:

God granted us free will. But god is omnipresent. He is the Alpha and Omega. He knows what you've done, what you're doing, and what you're going to do.

If he knows that, is there really free will? or just the illusion of free will?

According to your beliefs then, can we really be held accountable then, for our actions?

If he already knows what you're going to do, then how is it possible for us to be judged for our sins and/or whether or not we believed JC died for our sins and blah blah blah so that we can get into heaven.

Can the female suicide bomber who killed an Iraqi Army Captain a few months back be held accountable for her murder?

Her husband was our Number 1 bad guy, and we killed him, so she retaliated. According to her beliefs on Islam, she killed herself, no, martyred herself for God, Islam.

Islam, Judaism, Christianity. The same god. In the Koran it states, "We are all sons of Abraham" So we worship the same god. If the same just god knew she would do that, then can one really put the blame on her?

Oh and saying "Just have faith" when a question can't be answered by religion is a cop-out.

American mainstream Christianity seems more and more of a farce, a single serving, Sam's club sized, bowl of crap, that people eat down graciously so they can feel good about being self-righteous.

Oh, let's go build houses in S. America so and spread Christianity, and so I can feel good about myself. But let's honestly not give a real shit about changing the situation of the favellas. Let's still go on voting republican because they love jesus, even though the same country we just built the home in is getting ass-raped with no lube because of economic bullying by Washington.

(It's very weird how I start off pretty docile, only to get worked up and end up a wee bit pissed off.)

Ever now and then, when it just feels like the right moment, I'll bow my head and close my eyes and talk to god, or whomever. Because I do believe in something. But not what we've created.

an unimportant yet significant day

2008-08-04T18:58:00.000-07:00

So today was like any other day here in Iraq. Hot. Humid. Boring.

No missions, no nothing.

Just another day closer to going home.

Then around 9 at night, there's a huge firefight out in the distance.

It's not any of us, but ended up being that a local leader, a sheik, just got whacked.

What's worse was that his whole family was wasted along with him.

I mean, really. Where's the humanity.

We've met this sheik before, we've met his family. We've sat down with him and drank tea. We played around with the kids, speaking bad arabic and joking around.

Turns out some insurgents deemed him an enemy, and so they killed him while him and his family were sitting out in their lawn preparing for bed.

Here in Iraq, since it's obviously extremely hot, and there's obviously no such thing as central heating in these simple iraqi households, alot of families go outside and lay out blankets and pillows and sleep outside, it's their culture. Hell, I'd sleep on the roof of our Patrol Base if I could.

After the incident a young boy, no more than 3, and another familiy member was brought into our patrol base, to be treated by our medics.

The man was pretty much DOA, so we put outside on the stretcher he came in on and put a blanket over him body.

That was my first legitimate close up dead body, and what stood out to me was how fast; from the time he time, to the time I saw him on the stretcher, that his face looks so glossed over, like rubber or clay, it was weird.

Mind you, it's not like this is a PTSD moment or nothing, I got enough bombs from last deployment for that. But it was just weird.

The little boy we Air medivac'd him out. He was deteriorating fast and my platoon medic, "DOC" said his chances of living were slim. He just lost to much blood.

Just a few minutes ago DOC and I were on the patio, smoking and bullshitting, and we got to talking about the kid, and the overall feeling was just frustration.

That ya, we get it, the Sheik was friendly to us, so it makes sense a the enemy to kill him off.

But the kid?

the women?

It's mindblowing how a human being can do that.

I wonder what goes on the mind of the insurgents, the moments before the decide to open fire on the whole family, unarmed, unaware.

The little boy messed my DOC up a little bit I think. This is his first deployment, but he was an EMT for a few years before joining up, but it still messed with him.

I think it's because of the circumstances.

Then we got to thinking about another Sheik and his whole family. This sheik we've been seeing throughout the whole deployment, forging strong professional relationships, we help him out with economic needs, and he gives us word on cache's and rumors of bad guys.

It's counter-insurgency 101, and it works.

We've come to know his sons, his nephews and nieces, and when DOC and I wondered "what if" they did the same thing to Him and his family.

I said flat out, "I'd be furious, I'd find the motherfuckers and give them a slow death".

My response came out so fast that it caught me off guard.

I mean...

They're not my friends.

I don't REALLY know them.

and then we both kind saw eye to eye on the situation.

There truly isn't a word out there that can describe the strange "bond" between us and the locals that we help.

I hope we find the insurgents, and I'll tell you what, I hope they receive a slow death, and if it wasn't for the pussy ass arm chair quarterback motherfuckers back home who whine about war, I'd join in and torture the shit out those insurgents.

Those fucking people who blab ignorantly about torture and war are goddamn piece of shits who sleep safely at night who have no idea what the hell goes on here.

You get your news about from CNN and FoxNews. Hell, they don't even report it anymore.

Now?

It's barely a FUCKING TICKER on the bottom of the screen.

And yet there's some stupid random bitch that'll blog about how sad it is that Heath Ledger was stupid as fuck and OD'd off his meds.

9 soldiers died recently in Afghnistan in an ambush. A fucking ambush.

And I barely see it on the news on the TV downstairs.

They were pulling an OP when they got whacked.

I've been pulling OP's outta my ass this whole deployment, for something like that to happen is monumental. It's THAT serious.

And yet...

What's funny is, I'm the liberal one here, I'm the one that loves pissing my fellow republican soldiers off by telling them Obama '08

Who knows....

Seriously....

And all that I support the troops crap. Most of us soldiers here, we're tired of hearing it. Why?

Because you'll send candy and shit as long as we don't shoot people.

Most assholes back home want a "nice" war.

Where only the "bad" guys get killed, but oh, no, you don't want to hear about it of course.

You fucking morons.

It's war. People die. ALL people, not just grown men. Women, Children.

A 6 month old Pregnant woman

A 13 year old girl walking home from school.

A soldier who just came back from leave.

A father who's son got killed in a suicide attack.

But who cares, it's only a blip on the bottom of the screen, and you probably don't even see it because you just found out that Morgan Freeman is in the hospital from a car wreck...

Buncha Assholes y'all are.

Words By Chalmers Johnson

2008-04-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

When I was a graduate student at Berkeley in the mid-1950s, my teachers included many brilliant refugees from Hitler’s Germany. Sometimes, when we got to know them personally, we would ask them when they had bailed out. In some cases it was quite late. My professor Reinhard Bendix was a student at the University of Chicago in 1938 when his parents told him not to come home. Others left even later, some first heading to Cuba and others leaving only when it was almost too late.

My wife and I used to puzzle over these decisions (my wife herself had survived four years of Nazi occupation in Holland), and we toyed with constructing what we called a “Fascistograph”—a sort of checklist of social and political phenomena that might tell someone when to leave. I wish we had pursued our intellectual game more seriously, because I have the feeling that such a checklist might come in handy right now.

I see very little hope for America regardless of who is elected in November. All the candidates remaining in the race have said they will not “cut and run” in Iraq and Afghanistan. One may speculate that once in office, one or another candidate may be more flexible, but this is actually unlikely. The Republicans have swallowed both wars hook, line, and sinker, and the Democrats know that if they propose any sort of pullout they will be labeled “defeatists” and blamed for the miserable outcome. And, as many pundits have pointed out, the outcome is bound to be miserable either now or later. More civilians will be killed; more regions, tribes, or towns will turn to their own leaders—instead of to the elected national officials—for protection; more weapons will fuel whatever hatreds are being nursed against others in the region and most certainly against the United States. Isn’t it ironic that we came to Iraq to “free” its people from a Sunni minority dictatorship, and we’re now arming these same Sunnis against a Shiite majority? Isn’t it ironic that the hated Taliban did a much better job of controlling the cultivation of opium poppies than the government we put in place in Kabul?

The disasters we’ve visited on the people of the Middle East are something for which we’re ultimately responsible, much as blame for the Holocaust belongs to the Nazi regime and the Rape of Nanking to the wartime Japanese government. But I fear much worse is to come domestically. The lies of the Bush government that got us into these two wars, and the propaganda and public misinformation that continue to keep us there have had a corrosive effect on public trust. Many people no longer believe anything the government or the media tells them. So far this cynicism has not penetrated deeply into the ranks of the armed services. But I suspect that before long it will. As the wars drag on and the deployments stretch out, as the casualties continue with no end in sight, and as it becomes clear how poorly these casualties are cared for once they come home, our military—including the National Guard—will become demoralized and very angry. They should be angry for being used as they are; we should be angry for them.

In addition to our moral bankruptcy, there is fiscal bankruptcy. The Bush government talks about the burst housing bubble but says nothing about the obscene military budgets that are driving our entire economy deeper into debt. It will probably take a major financial crisis on par with the Great Depression to reorient our economy in a more productive direction. Unfortunately, I don’t hear any viable candidate talking like FDR.

In short, I think our ship of state is heading for a mammoth iceberg. Just as many people in 1930s Germany were, I’m too old to leave and will probably go down with the ship. But if I were younger, I would be thinking of bailing out. Vote, if you must, in November, but don’t expect that things will change much, let alone get better

Exhausted

2008-02-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

It's only been 5 months, and I'm almost burned out. There's no escaping this place, this mindset, no matter how much you try. I try by watching movies, music, reading, hell I even started working out again. It's all temporary fixes. Now I find out that my leave is no longer in July but at the end of August.

I haven't written in so long, I've had so many bottled up thoughts and experiences I wanted to jot down, but i just never found the energy or motivation to want to write.

Alot has happened. This area is still incident free, but we're starting to find caches again. I'm morbidly pensive about the near future now that the weather is starting to get warmer and warmer. We're making steady progress though in somewhat normalizing this place. We're putting so much money into the area, trying to set up a system of giving out micro-grants to people trying to start a business, to try and stimulate the local economy, we're working more and more directly with the local leaders.

The thing is though, the more and more I'm here the more and more I'm starting to hate these people. I used to be so optimistic about the people, how if given the right circumstances and chances, they'd be able to have a sense of calm and peace. Right now you can cut the tension with a butter knife

All the caches aren't old, alot are newer weapons, and you can tell that they've been recently buried. After all the work we're putting into this fucking place, they still want to go around and prepare for the "new war" according to one of the detainee's we apprehended.

I go home on leave now in August. It's gonna take alot for me not to implode.

It's like a prison here

Don't get me wrong, I love all of this, but it's starting to take its toll on my mind. I don't even know what to write anymore, there's so much shit and it's just crippling me

Reflections of my life

2007-11-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

Why is playing with bubble wrap so much fun? I wonder if it's only a guy thing, cuz I've never seen a woman play with bubble wrap. I'm serious, everytime I see a guy with bubble wrap, it's like I'm being controlled by an unknown source, like I have to join him and pop the little bubbles.

I've been watching the TV show scrubs and I have to say, I love the show, it's actually causing me to lose much needed sleep here, and so far, from what I've noticed, it's the only thing here in Iraq that causes me to giggle like a 4 year old ponytailed girl.

I've never been big on thinking about what if I die. Which is weird because for some morbid reason I think about what would happen if other people that I knew died. People like my boys here, or worse a relative of my, or one of my parents. I know I'd be devastated if my mom passed away. I wouldn't be able to function for a long time, Alcohol would definitely be involved. But that got me thinking what IF I did die here? How would my mom handle it? I really never gave it much thought till this moment because of the way I see life; if it happens it happens, can't stop it, so why fear it. But to realize the effects of it....it's starting to affect me. Not so much scaring me, but more so in a sense feeling pissed off and weak because there's nothing I CAN do to stop it, to stop the inevitable pain and anguish others will feel if it does happen. My mom raised me single handedly and tried her damndest to make sure I was raised right. I used to fault her so much because although she tried her best, due to the circumstances, in my eyes at times when I was younger....it was never enough. She's sacrificed so much for me, she wanted me to do well in college so that I can have the better life that she didn't have, and in essence, I've so far failed her. I've ran away from the hardship of adulthood and ran away head first into war. I tell others that I can always finish college, that it's always there for me, so why not have some fun in the Army, mature myself, learn more about myself, to see what I'm made of, and yet, at the end of the day I know what she said is right. I did run away.

I didn't like how hard "life" was...Making sure the bills were paid on time, the rent, the gas, the electricity, the student loan, the car insurance (that even she helped pay for) the water bill, the cable bill, the cell phone bill, the goddamn credit card bills. All had to be paid at different times of course, this on the 1st, this by the 18th, this by the 27th. I squandered away the money I had from my 1st deployment away in less that 6 months back...patrying, buying stupid shit, living the care free high life....without even facing reality. The result? missing payments, phone getting shut off, grades going to shit...and at the end of the day who's there for me when I need her? My mother, it's embarrassing still having to go to the parents when you need a bail out. To have to look into her eyes see the disappoint and yet hope that eventually I'll come through and finish school, and land a good job; to make her truly proud of me, it was painful, so what do I do? I run off and go active duty, join the infantry of all jobs. I didn't even think of any of that at the time. I just figured, fuck it, life sucks, paycheck to paycheck sucks, all this responsibility sucks, fuck it all, I remember when I was in Iraq I didn't have to deal with any of this shit, don't have to worry about groceries, the bills, working to get good grades, plus I'm good with all the Army shit and the Army life. So here I am now, running away....

All I can think of now is that when I get out, I'm gonna go back to college and get my shit straight. But the truth of the matter is, the most likely outcome is probably going to be histroy repeating itself, and I wonder if I'll be finally strong enough and mature that to stop that from happening.

So when people thank me, and say how proud they are that I'm protecting them, and all that patriotic gibberish, I feel embarrassed, because the truth is..I'm not a hero or brave or any of that...I'm just a coward. No more, no less. If I did die here, I think the biggest fear is that my mom will think she failed me, and I can't let her feel that way, She deserves to feel proud. I can't just sit on my ass and hope eveything's gonna be alright. I gotta get done with this tour, and finally own up to it all and become a real man. To finally, make her porud. I can't let her down. I won't let her down. I've fucked around in life enough. This time I gotta do it right.

Observations

2007-11-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

Alot has happened in the last month, I don't even know where to start. We had a huge mission, but in all reality we were the bitchmaids and didn't get to participate in the offensive assault part; we played the outer security-freeze-balls-off-and-do-nothing-while-you-watch-other-soldiers-air-assault-into-combat role.

Other than that huge mission that the news glorified but we really in important terms had no part in, life is decent.

I've come to pretty much adopt the arabic word Insh'allah. I use it when things don't really go the way we expect, like stupid army shit happening? Insh'allah. The word itself is deeply rooted within the Muslim religion, I suppose it's translation loosely means the will of god, or god's will. From what I've read, in Arabic culture, the word itself is used in 3 ways. In Iraq, from what I've gathered and understood, they use it as a form of hope, like hopefully none of my men in my company will get hurt, Insh'allah. Or when things go wrong, Inshallah...God's Will. The third is the the most unique to me. In Iraqi culture, and maybe even the rest of the Arab world, saying no is regarded as rude, so instead so saying no, they say insh'allah. In essence, if it happens it happens, if not, then not. Insh'allah.

We've finally settled in and started getting used to a somewhat manageable rotation of Guard and Patrols. I hate being on Guard. Most of the time I'm on the roof by myself watching the rear of the Patrol Base, which is how I like it, because during the day the IA guys hang out up there and at night I get to walk around rather than stay in the turret like I would if I were in other guard spots. We do four hour shifts and at times it can be mindnumbing. I'm not gonna lie, there are certain things I do on guard that I'm not supposed to do, but I do it to stay awake. During the day it's interesting to watch our Local Iraqi neighbors go about their everyday lives, oblivious to the fact that I'm standing on the roof gazing at them through my binoculars with child like interest, wondering the most random things about them.

Life here is starting to get lonely. It sucks going through your second deployment alone, without a signifcant other, someone you can confide in and know that they care, someone who, you know is probably missing you and thinking about you right now.

One thing that constantly blows my mind even though I know it happens all the time is the amount of pending divorces in my unit. So-fucking-many. One of my guys check out his wife's myspace only to find a picture of her and another man together as a profile picture, one other guy's wife is moving to colorado all of a sudden and took all the money, funny thing though, is that he's only pissed off because she's taking the dog too. It sickens me the fucking weak willed women, abandoning their husbands because they're, like they're the only ones? It's bullshit. That's why however long I'm in the Army, I will refure to be married. I won't be the one who says "It'll never happen to me" and then see my wife ruin me. I'd never recover.

Living in such cramped areas and seeing the same fucking faces day in and day out is starting to agitate me as well. The little things are starting to pile on and eventually I'm gonna just blow up. My only solace and respite from going insane is a book I recently bought about backpacking and traveling the world. It's a book called Half-time by Steve Devereaux and its my wonderful escape from this place.

I initially intended on saving most of my money from this deployment, but now, no more. My mom needs help with bills and such, and it really pisses me off. I mean, not pisses me off, but it just sucks not being able to have an income to for when I get back. To be able to say I live comfortably instead of the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle that I've lived on ever since coming back from Iraq the first time would've been nice. But she needs help, and there's no way in hell that I won't help my mom when she needs it. She's done so much for me that I feel like an utter schmuck when I think about the way I've behaved in the last 10 years or the dumbfuck ignorant things I've said to her or thought about her. I wish I could go back in time and redo the way my mom and I have gotten along. Oh well, Insh'allah.

I'm really interested in Islam, I mean, I'm not a religious person at all. I'm a firm believer of karma, but religion in general is just an interesting subject, especially Islam. It's very unfortunate that most Americans are too lazy or too scared to learn about the truth of Muslim people and learn about their culture and their history, rather than be bullied around into being scared of it. In the time that I've been here I've gotten to know our Iraqi Army Soldiers, they live with us here at our PB, eat with us, sleep with us, patrol with us, smoke with us, and joke with us. They are some of the kindest, most genuine people I've ever met. They are a true representation of the Average Iraqi and true muslims.

I've started getting care packages from people again and feel like shit that I haven't responded to them with a thank you email, but it's like one of those things that you wanna do but you never get around to, where you say I'll do it today, but by the time you remember it, it's too late. Take that example and pretty much repeat it everyday.

Oh, speaking of packages, I was a witness to an amazingly unbelieveable event today. I don't know yet whether to be appalled/bewildered? or be gracious/thankful.

I was on guard today when word came over the net that we had to secure the LZ for 2 blackhawks to lands. This kind of stuff is typical, about once a week. Usually it's someone coming in to check up on things or whatever random reason.

Today however, I noticed that when the birds touched down, the only things I saw offloaded were boxes and packages. I wondered to myself what they were? Highly Sensitive Items I bet, who knows.

So I get off of guard and go downstairs, not really thinking about the boxes, when I see the boxes. I stood there, looking at them, thinking "No, those can't be what the birds dropped off." So I asked, and sure enough, they were.

The boxes that the Army deemed fit to send via Blackhawk Helicopters to us were care packages. Oh no, but these weren't "normal" care packages, these were not the typical care packages that thousands of Americans send to soldiers, not the same packages that get transported to us via convoy whenever we stop at the main base. Oh no. These were SPECIAL packages. These care packages that the Army spent thousands of dollars in fuel as well as putting multi-million dollar helicopters at risk of attack and not to mention risking the lives of soldiers by securing the LZ itself were special because the care packages were sent to a high ranking General. Somehow, someone way up in the food chain thought it wise to blackhawk packages to us that were sent directly to the General. Now I understand the idea of it maybe boosting morale, the oh cool factor, but seriously, do you realize that you put the lives of my men at risk for some cans of chunky soup and baby wipes and sardines? SARDINES!?!?!? who the hell eats those things?? like 1 out of 20 people like sardines!!! Do they not realize that not even a year ago the same PB we live in now took routine small arms fire and even an RPG attack that killed an interpreter? That if something had happened and one of my brothers died, it'd be not in the heat of battle that my brother gave his life for his country, but for a can of FUCKING Sardines!!

*Sigh... Insh'allah

See what I mean now when I use my new multi-purpose favorite word?

Cigarettes

2007-11-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

As much as used to hate and utterly despise cigarettes, it's amazing that I can now categorize every time I do smoke.

I'll start with the good ole "Morning Cigarette". Like today, it's 6:12 am, cold as fuck, and yet, there I am shivering outside in the courtyard area, smoking my wonderful cancer stick.

Next comes the "I'm so fucking bored out of my mind" cigarette which can come in 2 variations. The first is the typical nothing to do so you and a pal go through this stereotypical sequence. Fuck man, it's boring as hell. Let's go smoke, wanna go? Ya sure. Aw shit, Yo, you got a light? Ya? ok good, let's go. The second is the holy-shit-when-the-hell-is-guard-over-it's-so-boring-wow-that-Iraqi-girl-looks-hot-in-my-bino's-ohmygod-it's-so-boring-let's-see-what-time-it-is-WHAT-THE HELL-I-HAVE-2-MORE-HOURS-LEFT...I need a cigarette

Then you have I'm-so-fucking-pissed-off-the-army-is-dumb-as-shit cigarette, like for example one of my guys, after a long day of stupid shit, just snapped over a simply trivial thing when he stepped on a milkbox while cleaning out one of our trailers. Man, was he pissed, it was pretty much a slew of good educated words of "Fuck man, Fuck this shit" What Happened? "I got fucking milk on my fucking pants, fuck this shit, fuck the army, my pants are all wet now, fuck! and then its gonna dry and smell sour, fuck this, Hey man, give me a cigarette, I need a fucking cigarette, (and then the god given line) "You got a light?"

Of course there's the pre-convoy brief cigarette, which can almost be put in the same category as the this is boring cigarette category, but I think it gets its own.

What else, oh yes, the after dinner cigarette, where you don't really feel like getting up from the table outside, and just feel like chilling, but you can't just sit there, so you light one up.

There's the embarassing before I take a crap cigarette, not gonna go into details about that one, but let's just say, things come out better in the end.

There's lately been the ok-movie-is-over-lets-go-smoke cigarette

And of course the before I sleep cigarette. That about sums it up. Yup

This doesn't mean I condone smoking of course, this is just a neccesary evil, to keep us all sane.

Either way. Fuck you Big Tobaccao, you scum sucking cocksuckers.

What makes a Soldier

2007-11-24T17:01:00.000-08:00

Soldiers come in all shapes, shades, weights, sizes and states of sobriety, misery, and confusion. a soldier is sly as a fox, has the nerve of a dope addict, the stories of an old sailor, the sincerity of a politician and the subtlety of Mt. Saint Helens. He is extremely irresistible, totally irrational and completely indestructible.

A Soldier is a Soldier all his life.

You can kick him out of your house, but not out of your heart.

You can take him off your mailing list, but not off your mind.

They are found everywhere; In love, in battle, in lust, in trouble, in debt, in bars... and sometimes behind them.

No one can write so seldom and yet think so much of you. No one else can get so much enjoyment out of a letter, clean clothes or a pack of smokes.

A Soldier is a genius with a deck of cards.

Brave without a grain of sense.

He is the PROTECTOR OF AMERICA, with the latest copy of Playboy or Sports Illustrated or GUNS & AMMO in his back pocket.

When he wants something it's usually 30 days leave, music that hurts the ears, or, most importantly, a good woman he can count on.

Girls love'm, mothers tolerate them, fathers brag about them, the government pays them, the police watch out for them and somehow they all work together.
You can beat their bodies but not their minds.

You can tame their hearts but not their souls.

He likes girls, females, women, ladies and the opposite sex.

He dislikes small checks, working weekends, answering letters, missing chow, waking up, maintaining a uniform.

You may as well give in. He is your long distance lover...

He is your steel eyed, warm smiling, blank minded, hyperactive, over reacting, curious, passive, talented, spontaneous, physically fit, good for nothing bundle of worry...And he will seek out and destroy anyone who hurts you in anyway.

...and he will ALWAYS be there for you regardless of how long it's been since you've last talked.

That's the deal with a Soldier.

There goes the neighborhood

2007-11-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

I would like to put some things out in the open.

Let it be known that:

1) Last night on Patrol, when we set up an OP along the river, I realized that I smelled, really really bad. But the smell was a familiar but "couldn't put my finger on it" smell. It wasn't straight B.O. but something else, and I realized what it was.

I smelled like Souvlaki, how I ended up smelling like that delicious greek dish, fuck if I know

2) Just because you went to college, does not make you god, nor does it give you the right to treat the people that you're in charge of like retards that need their hands held. There are people in the unit who' s current deployment is their 3rd tour, YOU DO NOT NEED TO TELL THEM ALL THE TIME TO TURN ON THE DUKE. Thank You.

3) It's been put out by our resident "Chief Stomps On Fun" that the PB shall have no caffeinated drinks, no Rip Its, even no FUCKING soda, but don't you dare take away his coffee. SERIOUSLY?

4) When there's a commo blackout due to a death in the unit, that does not mean that the people in the TOC are excluded from that ARMY WIDE rule. WE CAN HEAR YOU'RE MESSENGER MORON

Ok, I'm done getting that out.

Been out patrolling the last few weeks, nothing big, but damn it's exhausting, it has it's moments though.

We lost someone in our battalion to an IED last week, it was unfortunate.

Fucking Pressure Wires are the new big thing now, pretty much no way to stop it as of late.

Morale is a unique creature here, it's low in the essence of the stupid shit, but high because of the comraderie, so let's call it bearable for now.

I seriously need my packages to get here, I need my cigarettes and my power cord to my laptop.

We got a TV and XBOX 360 set up in our PLT room, we call it our room the RAPE ROOM. Why? Don't ask me how it came to be.

My cook found a random stash of kimchee in the cooler connex, fuckin awesome is all I can say. Shitter #3 and I are going to get to know each other reaaaal well in the coming weeks.

I end this post on my plans when my enlistment is over in 2010.

Re-enlsist? fuuuck no

I am goin to New Zealand :) Hell Yes

I found an article that's titled " What's a good overseas program for a lazy guy?"

That's all I'm gonna say.

Insha'Allah my friends, Insha'Allah

Mortars overheard is freaky sounding

2007-10-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

I'm out of cigarettes. Life has officially become miserable. Albeit I've gone back to smoking a pack and a hlaf a day, but still. I need menthol Cigarettes.

So we live here on our PB with some Iraqi Army soldiers and I gotta say, although I haven't been in a firefight with them, they're all around good people. They are some funny bastards. I've played an Iraqi version of dominoes which is a fun ass game, they've hooked me up with delicious fresh chicken and bread and good lord it's good. Here in my area we have the Concerned Local Citizen group, and for the most part, they're pretty helpful, All in all the locals around are decent seeming people, hopefully things don't take a turn for the worse.
We should've done this kinda thing in the begininng, things would've been so different..
It's fun as hell watching outgoing mortar fire from the roof. But it sucks balls when you're inside trying to sleep. Loud as shit and shakes the whole house, waking you up.

That and being on the roof when outgoing mortars fly past me from our Battalion FOB is scary sounding as shit. The whistling is unnerving

One unexpected surprised however, is the quality of the food. Effing Delicious, that's all I gotta say. Like tonight we had a choice between shrimp scampi and chicken alfredo....I mean, seriously? In a shithole PB, with combat showers, and wag bags and burn pits, and random AK fire, we have this for dinner?

But ya, I need cigarettes.

NOW

2007-10-10T22:29:00.000-07:00

Can't talk long, but let's just say Life is definitely alot better than I thought here at the PB. My biggest fear is that someone's gonna fuck it all up and have the city turn on us.

Let's pray not

PS. We have a dog that sniffs out IED's. She's fucking sweet. Local mutt Iraqi dog. Who woulda figured?

2007-09-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

So finally in the Middle East. Been here for a little bit. Doing the typical in-country preperations and training in Kuwait before we head North. It's coming up. More and more intel coming in. It's gonna be some intense stuff. I'm looking forward to it. I'm worried however of some of the guys in my platoon. A couple of them don't belong here. One of them should be at home with his parents and going to school. He tries to act like he's an adult, but he's just a fucking kid. another REALLY doesn't need to be here. He's, how can I put it nicely, a walking imbecile. God Bless him though, because he's a nice kid too. Means no one any harm intentiationally. It's just I really think he doesn't have the mental capacity for some of the things that we'll be doing. And because of that, he'll unintentionally put people in more danger than they're already in. People always think that the Infantry is where all the idiots go. But let me tell you first hand. This is where the best go as well. The men that know the danger they face but accept the challenge. I agree that that without support the infantry would be nothing. But let me tell you what; after being a POG and now coming infantry, there's a huge difference in the caliber of men that are in the Infantry.

Our living conditions are going to suck. Flat out. Water Bottle Showers, Burning Shit. All the good stuff that even I figured to have already been done away with after almost 5 years in the war. Not so.

Oh Well.

Morale's expectedly high. I mean, we're in Kuwait for God's Sake. The worst thing about being here is that we still gotta PT. Ha.

And good lord have Army Women gotten uglier.

EW.

Leavin so soon

2007-09-18T13:05:00.001-07:00

It's comin up and yet it doesn't even seem like it. But you can already sense the nervousness in people, even though no one shows it.

It's gonna be interesting as hell. I'll tell you that much.

Took our "Death Photos" today. You know, the photo the Army releases to the media when a joe dies. Well I smiled for mine. Screw lookin all serious and shit. I wanted to make a stupid face but I settled for a simple smile. Oh well.

Some pretty good videos

2007-09-18T13:03:00.001-07:00

You know what I hate

2007-09-10T22:06:00.001-07:00

Over 4 years into this war and STILL. People don't realize that THERE'S NO LINK BETWEEN IRAQ AND 9/11.

I even got stupid fucking soldiers posting bulletins on Myspace titled: Still want to Pull Out? And then showing pics of 9/11.

WOW....

Not a big surprise when you're Ranked 42nd in the "Quality of maths and science education" Ranking done by the OECD.

We're one ahead of Russia. The three above us? Slovenia, Macedonia and the UAE.

Are you serious.

Americans. My people are so dumb it's embarassing.

So much for Fantasy Football

2007-09-09T19:47:00.001-07:00

Good lord, I hope there's internet wherever we're going. My Fantasy football team is awesome. Who knows what It'll be like this time around, and that's what worries, it can go from a big FOB to some rinkydink PB...who knows anymore.

Came back off max leave, had a blast. It was good to see the friends one last time. Got to see my mom, kind of awkward because we both knew it'd be the last time for a long time.

Work wise not much else going on, the rumor machine is on overdrive of course, words of half days till we deploy is in the air, that'd be nice. Got a road march tomorrow for PT. That's gonna kick all of our asses, cuz this kid's only PT was taking shots and smoking cigarettes. And of course, eating, lots of eating.

It's that lingering feeling of uneasiness that's bothering me, the inevitable transition to Iraq, these next 2 weeks are gonna be dreadful

Middle East Cultural Class

2007-08-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

So today I was sent to a class/presentation about culture awareness of the middle east.

some very interesting, but also somewhat disturbing things.

Most of the things they talked about I already knew but the Army had some Air Force Major come talk to us. She specialized in Mid-East affairs. It was a Brigade level class so all ranks were there

Man oh man did she hold Islam and Middle East culture in such a high regard. The style she put that out was actually almost slightly insulting in my point of view.

It felt like she was saying to us that we are fuck ups and instead of being harsh and violent we need to do a complete 180 and pretty much put down our weapons and hug every Iraqi good or bad and things will be better. Ahem, ever been blown up or shot at?

Like one example is the Iraqi culture of kind of LYING to you, in their culture they're more likely to tell you a lie that you want to hear rather than the truth.

One of the slides she had presented the misconceptions of Iraqi's; Like lying

next to the word in bold it said "Lying? or just trying to survive?"

IT'S STILL FUCKING LYING

I don't give a shit if it's justified or not, it's still fucking lying and not what I need to hear.

You gotta understand for a second, I absolutely respect and admire the Iraqi culture and Islam, to a point.

But from 0800 to 1430 when we said screw this and left, to hear over and over that we're wrong in this and wrong in that, it's like;

OK, fuck you, here you are telling us how great they are, stories of you traveling to Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, HOW ABOUT YOU TRAVEL TO RAMADI, OR BAQUBA?

Then tell me how the hell you want me to implement your Operation Hug an Iraqi and the IED's will go away.

I understand that some sort of cultural sensitivity is needed. I ABSOLUTELY AGREE, but good lord Major, you sure do know how to go overboard.

She sugarcoated the history of Islam so much it almost seemed like crap propaganda, I know a little about Islam and what you put is TOTALLY not accurate, the shits Airbrushed, and to hell with you trying to sell it the way you did.

Fact of life, I can kiss Hajji's ass all day long and do everything they want AND THEY'LL STILL TRY AND KILL ME AND MY MEN.

Oh wait, sorry, can't say Hajji. It's culturally offensive.

You know what's also culturally offensive too? Beheading my fellow soldiers and civilians, and then dancing by their corpses...

Fucking judging us from your high top cushioned chair, come down into the sludge and then tell us all your shit

Wow....Define Irony

2007-08-22T22:36:00.001-07:00

Iran here we come

2007-08-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

You think that ain't happening, keep dreaming buddy. I say fuck it, let's do it, but let's do it right.

But no the smartest thing to do though right now Branding the Al Quds Force a terrorist organization. They're supporting the Shia insurgency and the Taliban, that's obvious, but to officially label them that?

Sooooo not gonna help us out with the Iraq situation. I mean, they already got some forces there helping fighting us, teaching and distributing EFP's to kill us.

And now that we openly call them on it?

What's to stop them from sayin "Fuck it, if you call me a terrorist organization, I might as well help out ten-folds"

Yup....like I said fuck it, start bombing Iran.

I'm not serious about bombing Iran, that's a good instant band-aid for a long term wound.

One final thing. I hate ROTC shitbags, just seeing them makes me want to punch them in the face, fucking pissants.

Fallen Soldiers

2007-08-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

Every time I open up a new Army Times I find myself always flipping to the section where they show the people who died in the 2 Wars, and at least once a week I go to Icasualties.org to look at the dead.

I don't know why....

Maybe to see if I know any of them?

I remember right before I deployed the first time I saw a buddy of mine in there, such an awful surprise, I remember how and where too. Ramadi, IED attack.

Very Eerie.

But to this day I don't even know why I still look at that part first.

It's pretty much the death section, then straight to PVT Murphy comic strips. I love the one running now about Murphy going to the E-5 board.

And to hell with stop loss.

I love how all my boys' ETS date on their LES all changed. One of my guys actually ETS 3 weeks ago. HAHAHA...Nope, sorry kid, You got one more deployment left in ya....

I am as far from being called "Religious" as possible

2007-08-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm a Karma kinda guy, like no joke. I live by Karma, it gets me through my day.

Take today.

In our building we kind of have minor mice issues, we see them little furry fuckers scutter around every now and then but can never catch em.

Well today somehow someone caught 2 of em.

Put em in a container and pretty much just left em there.

I'm like..."Soooo what're you guys gonna do with the mice?"

....."I dunno"

Fuck it, I'll take em, I'll let em go in the fields away from here. The hell with leaving them here so someone can fuck with them.

Plus, they were kinda cute, so what if they maybe, perhaps, possibly, carried the bubonic plague?

I had to go take care of some errands first, so I told the supply guy that I'll be back for em, and I left.

Well...one of em died when I came back.

Now, just to get this straight, I ain't one of those touchy feely fuckers, but damn, I actually got sad.

So immediately I got the lone survivor and got him outside and set him free and stood there for a few seconds to watch him scuttle away, preferably away from the building, and went back inside.

I found out who killed it, and all I said was, Be careful, Karma's gonna get your ass in the end.

So with that little story being said I come to my point.

A few months ago when I was bored out of my mind waiting for my best friend get ready so we can go out, I picked up the bible on his dresser due to complete boredom and flipped to a random page, when I came up this:

Luke 12:22

After reading it, Man oh man, I pretty much had to say out loud to God. "Are you fucking with me?"

Its really hard to explain the emotions and what I was thinking at the time, but either way, that shit hit me bad.

I mean of all the things to randomly select and read, it had to be this.

F.R.E.A.K.Y.

Luke 12:22

[22] Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.

[23] Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.

[24] Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

[25] Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

[26] Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

[27] "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

[28] If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

[29] And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.

.....Kinda makes you feel just a lil bit safer, almost re-assuring.....

Some of us ain't coming home

2007-08-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

Who's gonna be the unlucky one, who's gonna win the lottery?

Not this kid...

Hopefully...

Ha...

And to my Strep Throat, I say, Damn you Good Sir, Damn you...

The next president

2007-08-14T23:13:00.000-07:00

Who oh who do I like?

Obama?

Clinton Part Deux?

Mr. Never was viewed as a good mayor till 9/11 Giuliani?

or Perhaps Mitt "I like you and your views but the fact your mormon freaks me out" Romney?

NONE OF THEM.

I support Mike Gravel.

And even I disagree 100% with his strategy concerning Iraq.

But in regards to every other issue concerning my country? I fully support.

The war was screwed from the get go. But I'm telling you. In my eyes, we have a chance now. Screw the whole strategy of "Let's say No to spite the sitting President"

It truly and unfortunately matter that this war was started on false pretenses.

It's happened and there's no going backwards.

There really IS a silver lining now, and it may cost me my life. But I personally believe it's worth it.

But ya, don't tell the guys in my platoon that. They already think I'm a hippie liberal commie..Haha...Inside Joke people, Inside Joke

A long day

2007-08-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

The worst thing about going to Iraq?

Not the mind numbing counting down the days till we go
Not the preparation of your last will
Not coming up a list of whom my mom should call if I die

But the amazingly incompetent way we pack our unit equipment and personal/professional gear.

We pack it and we're told we're all set.

Nope, wait, we need to lay it out to make sure we have everything
Oh no, wait, take it back out, we have to inventory it.

It doesn't help that it's 104 degrees outside either. ha.

But surprisingly, this reflection isn't about the incompetency of the system, but is about how fortunate I am to be surrounded by some genuinely good people.

Here we are after 6pm, and they finally say we're done for the day (We're normally let our about 5). The married folks drive home and the single joes go back to the barracks, to complain to each other, to hang out with each other, to finally eat our microwave dinners or order pizza; the chow hall closes at 6.

Not even 5 minutes in my room, and I get a phone call.

Head back out, we have more packing to do.

Wow.

Seriously?

Are you fucking kidding me?

So here we are, close to 7, haven't eaten dinner, rolling out to have more packing fun.

It's mostly single soldiers and a select few married folks that didn't leave in time. Everyone that's around. Lucky us.

You can only imagine the atmosphere and the pent up anger and frustration amongst the men. Even the Senior NCO's are visibly pissed.

We come to find out that our 3 biggest shipping containers were not inventoried nor packed correctly, even though we spent 2 days doing it.

2 days of packing and none of the leaders figured to do any of this?

Wow.

So much for that college degree....

So we're out there, packing and complaining, just another stupid "Hey, It's the Army, what'd you expect" explanation.

But then towards the end I notice something.

The mood is different, we were all laughing, and joking, even through the heat and the stupidity of things, even the fact that it's past 8pm.

The men were bonding, and it was at that point I realized just how amazing the men next to me really were. I mean, this ain't no sappy shit or nothing. It's just...Goddamn...this shit is the epitome of the suck and we don't give a fuck. We gotta do it, so let's do it and say fuck it all. We did it right and we did it laughing.

I don't know if I quite wrote down the situation properly but fuck it, because I understand.

And because of this, I know, no matter what happens in the hellhole we're going to....

Things will be alright...

My men

2007-08-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

I love the men in my platoon and I fucking can't stand them.

I got smart ones, dumb as shit ones, and a few in betweens.

The cherries, they're all kids, I mean, when I joined I was in a sense a kid, but looking back, I was never as wet behind the ears as them.

They bought into the bullshit. They bought into the machismo bullshit.

You know what the favorite saying of the Army is? The most popular saying that most of us say to each other almost every day if not every few hours?

"Fuck the Army"

The Infantry changes you....

It sucks the innocence from you, from these kids, and they haven't even seen the war yet.

It's so draining....and yet, We all share that bond, the burden, and we all understand what needs to be done without even speaking about it.

Because let's be honest, who else is going to do it? YOU? Ha...exactly, I thought so.

Military Service is at an all time low, and you have piece of shit kids talking of which they know nothing about.

How dare you speak of Iraq as though you can even begin to fathom the complexity of the situation. The looks in the eyes of the children there, the reserved angst mixed with fear in the eyes of the men and women there.

Until you've walked the streets of Iraq, don't ever dare to say you know.

....And you wonder why I said fuck college and went back Active Duty.

That fucking chubby asian kid in my Poli-Sci 101 class. The epitome of shitbag ignorance. I should've punched you in the goddamn face.

I digress.

I even have a Cherry Joe in my platoon who's a goddamn VIRGIN. 19 yrs old. Complete World of Warcraft nerd, never had a girlfriend, introvert, got picked on in high school kid.

I can see the pain in his eyes, how he wants to prove them all wrong, a huge fuck you right back to those that said he wasn't a man.

He's a good kid. But he shouldn't be here. He's still in a sense; an innocent? You can tell he's been sheltered, and I can only imagine how the things he will go through will affect him.

He tries so hard to be a Man, but his immaturity always seems to find its way on top.

I'm pretty hard on him, and I don't know why. But I feel like I almost have to, to make him that much tougher, otherwise...he won't last.

but then again who the fuck am I to judge?

You fucking civilians send us out to a shithole mindfuck where we don't know who the enemy is, where everyone is a potential enemy and you expect us to be all nice and cheery like the local fucking postman?

And when some people snap and atrocities happen, you blame THEM?

FUCK YOU!!

Blame yourselves.

You all knew what would happen, but hey, better them than me right?

Go fuck yourselves, oh hey, Time for you to stop reading this, American Idol is on.

Why oh Why do you want us home?

2007-08-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Is it the number of soldiers dying?

Is it the innocent Iraqi's dying everyday?

Is it your hatred of our President?

NO. You and I both know it's not.

It's the mere pathetic reason that it doesn't look like we're winning.

And America ALWAYS WINS.

Shit, if we were looking like we were winning I bet you dumb fucking American's wouldn't give two shits of the atrocities that go on in this war, IN ANY WAR even.

As long as we win.

Cuz America doesn't care about right or wrong, only if we're winning.

Popular movie quote that rings true in this country.

If you ain't first you're last

The official beginning of the end

2007-07-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

Politicians in an effort to end an unpopular war totally turns their backs on Iraq, but oh of course can't shame the troops, so let's throw some false "support the troops" sound bits, and thus the horseshit that we call American Politics.

It's a Goddamn War. Let us conduct it accordingly, OUR WAY.

We aren't savages that are just going to kill indiscriminately. Sure, we have some of societies' failures in our system, but have you SEEN the civilian side at all? You bitch about Abu Ghraib and Haditha, and I'll show you mother's who drown their children, old folks who shoot beggars over 25 cents, and a society with a pathetic fascination of Celebrities. Oh, 19 children died in a carbomb in Tal Afar, countless of children died in Darfur. But no wait, let's see who the daddy of Anna Nicole Smith's baby is. Oh no, Nicole Ritchie's going to jail? oh, the poor darling.

FUCK YOU AMERICA.

What the hell has happened to you?

You're merely an empty shell of your former self.

Nothing but new guys

2007-03-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

All cherries.....

Wonder why?

Let's just say they'd be all cherries if most of the joes weren't thinking of the benifits for their family and the fact they've been in for a long time already....

No one wants to say it, but even most joes think this is bullshit now.

we've been already, we know what it's like, how it won't change, how it will never change, no matter what we do.

but we'll soldier on, because it's our job, and someone's gotta do it.

I am the Infantry

2007-01-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

So here I am fully immersed into the Army life for the next 3 years. To start off with. I am an infantryman. I'm supposed to go over to Iraq (round 2) sometime in the summer. That's all that needs to be said for now

Wave the Flag

2007-01-28T12:12:00.000-08:00

Wave the flags as they march off to war.

The body bag count doesn’t matter anymore.

How quickly we become uncivilized

when the dirt kicked is kicked in our eyes.

A world away they drop bombs while back at home every car has a flag sticker on.

And they sing patriotic songs.

And no one knows what’s really going on.

Open your eyes.

They’re killing kids.

We’re supposed to be the better man.

We’re doing the same things they did.

We bomb a wedding, we bomb our allies, we bomb and we bomb.

Let the bombs decide!

Let the bombs decide.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my country.

But killing innocent people is something I don’t want to see.

Would it be so easy to turn the other cheek,

if the kids that were dying lived just down the street.

Open your eyes. They’re killing kids.

We’re supposed to be the better man.

We’re doing the same things they did.

We bomb a wedding, we bomb our allies ,we bomb and we bomb,

Let the bombs decide! Let the bombs decide!

THIS BLOG IS OF PURE FICTION

2007-01-01T18:26:00.000-08:00

A Notice to reader's of this blog. EVERYTHING YOU READ IS OF PURE FICTION.

All events written were not events in the real, but rather a fiction of somebody's imagination

Any likeness to any events or names are of pure coincidence, I SAY AGAIN, all events are purely fictional