Exhausted

It's only been 5 months, and I'm almost burned out. There's no escaping this place, this mindset, no matter how much you try. I try by watching movies, music, reading, hell I even started working out again. It's all temporary fixes. Now I find out that my leave is no longer in July but at the end of August.

I haven't written in so long, I've had so many bottled up thoughts and experiences I wanted to jot down, but i just never found the energy or motivation to want to write.

Alot has happened. This area is still incident free, but we're starting to find caches again. I'm morbidly pensive about the near future now that the weather is starting to get warmer and warmer. We're making steady progress though in somewhat normalizing this place. We're putting so much money into the area, trying to set up a system of giving out micro-grants to people trying to start a business, to try and stimulate the local economy, we're working more and more directly with the local leaders.

The thing is though, the more and more I'm here the more and more I'm starting to hate these people. I used to be so optimistic about the people, how if given the right circumstances and chances, they'd be able to have a sense of calm and peace. Right now you can cut the tension with a butter knife

All the caches aren't old, alot are newer weapons, and you can tell that they've been recently buried. After all the work we're putting into this fucking place, they still want to go around and prepare for the "new war" according to one of the detainee's we apprehended.

I go home on leave now in August. It's gonna take alot for me not to implode.

It's like a prison here

Don't get me wrong, I love all of this, but it's starting to take its toll on my mind. I don't even know what to write anymore, there's so much shit and it's just crippling me